Why Is It So Hard To Love Others?
Has this time of quarantine revealed parts of your heart that you thought you had dealt with? Are you finding it more difficult to walk in selfless love toward others? You’re not alone. In fact, the data coming out of the news outlets shows a rise in abuse and domestic violence. The squeeze has come, and it is no respecter of persons. I pray it hasn’t come to that extreme in your home, but I know it has come. It’s come to ours. So why is it so hard to love others? What’s really going on?
You’re Afraid
The Bible is clear that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s fear. I’m afraid that my needs will be neglected, forgotten, or mocked and so as a result I withhold the energy that should go out toward others, and instead use it to insulate myself and make sure I’m “ok”. Of course, when I do that, I’m never “ok”, but only revealing the very opposite. My fear keeps me from loving others and walking in the freedom of God’s love. In my attempt to “get love”, all the while “withholding love from others”, I end up feeling unloved in the end. But praise be to God, that “perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). When you trust the unending, steadfast love of the Father, you can freely give to others, even when your needs go unmet and you feel unloved, because you know you never are!
You’re Human
Listen, we were built for divine love, but most settle for the cheap imitation. Our Creator God designed us primarily to be in relationship with Him, and that is what our heart yearns for. When we experience the gift of human relationship and human love, we are already set up for disappointment because we long for something that person can never provide. Now don’t get me wrong here, human love, marital/familial love, brotherly Christian love is a sweet and precious gift from God to His creation. But it will never fill those recesses of our soul that were designed by God and for God. We can’t pretend that another human can love you the way only your Maker can. Therefore, having an expectation to never be unloved or unseen, is a trap that will only lead to greater disappointment. Human love is always a shadow, and Divine love the substance!
Oh, that we would love one another well during this season. But let’s also be careful to not let our fears control our loving (or lack thereof), and our expectations exceed what is humanly possible to experience. “God is love” and the source and supply of any real love we give and receive to others (1 John 4:8).
Pastor Mark Spansel